


Mottled

by shivadyne



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Wings, M/M, Mutual Pining, Self-Esteem Issues, Wingfic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-31
Updated: 2016-11-21
Packaged: 2018-05-10 15:34:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 10,598
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5591644
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/shivadyne/pseuds/shivadyne
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Angels weren’t real, they were just fictional, but Yamaguchi <em>was</em> real and he wasn’t sure what that made him.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> wow okay so i wrote this ages ago and i just fixed it up a little for uploading.
> 
> WARNING: there is a part where a child is put through a lot of pain, like really really bad physical pain, and if you don't think you could handle seeing it, i'd suggest going to about "Once Yamaguchi's sobs had died down" because the rest of it isn't as... realistic, i guess?
> 
> anyways, that's about it! hope you guys like it.

When the wings first began to grow from Yamaguchi’s back, they had started as a small growth on his spine. His parents had worried it was a tumor and though they visited many doctors, none could figure out a way to remove it without killing him in the process.

And it began to grow, pressing against his skin, like there was something stuck under it that had to break free.

It was itchy and it hurt and it was so, so unfair because none of the other kids in his class knew what it was like. They boasted about scraped knees and broken bones, but his back was so sensitive that even the feeling of his shirt rubbing against it ached something fierce.

Then, one day when he was sleeping, he woke up to that feeling intensified.

It felt like there was something twitching under his skin, something growing and growing and wanting to break free from its flesh prison. And it hurt; it hurt so bad that his back felt like it was on fire. He cried and cried and cried, fingers clenching and unclenching around the sheets spasmodically. 

His parents came running into the room and when his mother saw his little face twisted in pain, she pulled him into her arms. She was gently rocking him back and forth, careful not to touch his back where it hurt really, really bad, while begging her husband to get the phone with her eyes alone.

The wings tore out through his back right then and it felt like true agony, his back arching and his wings flapping helplessly, as fragile and weak and tiny as he was at that moment in time. He howled when they had finally escaped in full, sobbing so loudly in both relief and pain because oh god, oh god, there was something red all over his mother’s hands and his pajamas and it hurt so bad.

He didn’t go to the hospital after that. His father patched him up the best he could which was better than most would be able. He was a nurse and though he couldn’t stop the pain completely, he managed well enough until they could get a reliable, private doctor to attend to their son.

 

Once Yamaguchi’s sobs had died down, they left the room; his mother looked back and her eyes softened at the sight of her son, still trembling faintly with red-rimmed eyes and fingers picking at the makeshift bandage that had been wound around his entire torso, the small appendages sprung from his back flattened down so as to keep them out of the way. 

His parents stood right outside the door, unwilling to go too far away; their heads were bowed together as if in prayer and they spoke in hushed tones about what they were going to do for their son.

They spoke about how his wings were unnatural, strange, something that they would have to hide lest the information get out. He heard about experimentation and medical mysteries and saw his father’s eyes well with tears and his mother’s hands gripping his father’s so tightly that it must’ve hurt before he hid back against the doorframe, chest aching something fierce.

 _Is there something wrong with me,_ Yamaguchi wondered from in the shadows, fingers twitching with the wish to touch the wings, to feel and make sure they were still real. He resisted, but barely, too wary to peel back the bandages and see what was hidden beneath. _Why are these wings so bad? Aren’t wings supposed to make you an angel? They’re not supposed to make people sad..._

 

Soon enough, he learned that wings didn’t make you an angel at all. Angels weren’t real, they were just fictional, but Yamaguchi _was_ real and he wasn’t sure what that made him. 

He had some ideas, though. It made him something to marvel at, to poke at and see what ticked. He was something unique, an unknown quantity in a world that fought harshly against them. He scared people, made them nervous, forced them to change their worldview to fit him into it.

 _A monster,_ a small voice whispered in the back of his head, but he pushed it back, said, _I am not a monster. Mom said so and she’s always right because she has a PhD._

 

The private doctor was kind to him, cordial, but there was a hungry look in his eyes that had always made him nervous. The man did what he normally would for kids his age, but he changed it up so that he could measure the boy’s growing wingspan, check to see for any broken bones, and make sure that his plumage was being properly taken care of.

“You need to be more careful with your diet,” the man scolded him, adjusting his glasses with two fingers. Yamaguchi looked up at him with wide, curious eyes betraying only a portion of his unease and he explained, “You’ve noticed your wings have felt oily and keep falling out, haven’t you? You need a better, more nutritional diet to support your body and your wings. What food you’re eating right now just isn’t enough for a growing child.”

“Okay!” Yamaguchi said, not sure if he completely understood. He’d ask his dad later ‘cause he always made him feel better when he got hurt or sick; he’d have to know what to do for this, too. Yamaguchi kicked his feet, looking down at the table he was sitting on and frowning at his legs.

There were insidious whispers hissing from in the part of his brain that he didn’t like to look at, the one that he always tried to lock up and hide away from because it said mean, terrible things that made him feel bad; they came to the forefront of his mind every time someone looked at his wings instead of his face, telling him that he was inhuman and wrong and really, how could he _ever_ think otherwise?

He was quiet for a moment and then hesitantly asked, voice barely a whisper but nonetheless laden with uncertainty, “Is… is there something wrong with me ‘cause I have wings, Doctor? You keep looking at them… Is that why I’ve gotta hide them from other people?”

The doctor looked up from his chart and instead of seeing him through the eyes of a scientist, he finally saw him as a child.

And with a small, sad smile, for he knew very well how people reacted to those who were different, he leaned down to put his hand on the boy’s shoulder; he met Yamaguchi’s eyes and told him, “No, Yamaguchi, there is not something wrong with you. People just can’t handle how incredible you are, how much of a miracle it is that you are alive and well even with these wings on your back. They’re scared of it; it makes them nervous and… even envious. You are fine just the way you are, Yamaguchi, and hiding them is just a way to make sure you’re safe.”

Yamaguchi nodded gravely, scraps of his self-esteem knitting back together into something warm, comforting. The thoughts of being a monster faded away for a little, settled into the contentment blooming from that small act of acceptance. He stretched his wings with a yawn and hopped down to return to his mother’s waiting arms.

 

That contentment didn’t last for long.

He spent his childhood with his wings wrapped tightly around his torso, always out of sight but never really out of mind. Yamaguchi was only allowed to have his wings out whenever he was home alone, his parents always nervous of someone seeing them freed from the brace that held them firmly in place.

They were beautiful, even if they were still very small. It took him ages of searching book after book about birds to find out what his wings were most like. They closely resembled that of a sparrow, his wings a dark, earthy brown in color. Scattered along the secondaries and primaries, however, were small black spots, almost like freckles dotting his feathers as much as they did his face. 

Dwarfed by sweaters twice his size and stumbling over his words constantly, Yamaguchi proved an easy target to bully. He was so nervous about the knowledge of his wings getting out or someone just being able to tell from looking at him that he flinched away from even the kindest of touches.

Before he knew it, he had no friends. The closest he got was being shoved into the mud, his eyes filled with humiliated tears, as they taunted him about his ugly, pimply face. The words hurt him more than being pushed around ever could.

 _Crybaby,_ they’d say. _Useless. Disgusting. Snot-nosed brat. Whiny loser._

Eventually, monster wasn’t the only name that the voice in the back of his mind tossed at him. This time, though, he believed every single word.

 _Crybaby,_ he’d think, wiping away his tears and looking at his face in the mirror. A sad, winged boy looked back at him and he looked away from himself in disgust. His feathers wrapped around his torso protectively; though he tried to keep all the unhappy feelings inside, tried to lock them up and hide them away again like he used to, his traitorous eyes grew damp once more as he thought, _Monster._

 

And then he met Tsukishima, the boy who shone brightly even in all his disinterest, his cruelty.

“Pathetic,” he had sneered at each and every one of them, face closed off and eyes not nearly as cold as his body language portrayed.

Yamaguchi knew he was included amongst the others with that statement, his face all red and snotty from the tears that had sprung forth. He pushed down the weak thread of hurt that coursed through him and followed after the other boy’s dwindling form with wide, wondering eyes.

 _I want to be like him,_ he decided that night, wings unfurled behind him as he brushed his teeth in front of the mirror. His face was curious and open, all of the traces of his crying now erased, while his wings twitched eagerly behind him. _So strong! So cool!_


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i don't feel too good about how this chapter came out, mostly because it turns out that writing interactions between yamaguchi and tsukishima is surprisingly difficult??? who knew
> 
> i'm also pretty sure my writing style here is drastically different. oops.
> 
> all that aside, thanks for all the view, comments, and kudos! i seriously appreciate it.

It was the first day for Yamaguchi to attend Karasuno High and all he’d felt for the past hour was pure, undiluted panic. He could barely sleep the entire night, too anxious from the what-ifs that ran through his mind like one horrific slide-show. _What if someone finds out? What if my brace isn’t tight enough? What if I slip and say something about my wings by accident?_

“Maybe I should just stay home,” Yamaguchi murmured to himself, even as he tightened the bindings over his wings with one last tug to adjust them properly. They kind of hurt a little, but he didn’t want to risk loosening his brace. After pulling a big sweater over his head, he glanced at his back from over his shoulder to check for any significant bulges. There were none in sight.

Satisfied with his work, he went downstairs and made himself a quick breakfast. Yamaguchi ate slowly, feeling sick to his stomach from all the worrying. His father was probably at work and his mother was off on a business trip so he didn’t bother to shout his goodbyes before he left the house.

Tsukishima was waiting on the sidewalk, fidgeting with his hands out of boredom and glaring down at the ground. He finally looked up at him and asked, “What took you so long, Yamaguchi?”

“Sorry, Tsukki!” Yamaguchi apologized, eyes widening in surprise. He hadn’t expected to see his friend there, though he wasn’t entirely sure why. They’d always walked together in middle school as well, but he supposed there was still a part of him that thought Tsukishima was too cool to continue hanging out with a guy like him. _You’re pathetic,_ his mind supplied for him as he hunched in on himself at the thought. Feigning embarrassment, he said, “I forgot to set my alarm so I slept in…”

Tsukishima sensed that he was worried about something, but didn’t voice it. He merely made an irritated noise and started off towards the school, listening for the hurried footfalls of his friend as he rushed to catch up to him.

 

 _Ugh, it’s too hot,_ Yamaguchi thought, barely able to stand the combined bulk of a sweater and his wings in the scorching weather. His face was flushed from the hot air and he could swear that people were looking at him, causing his face to grow even warmer. He sunk down in his seat, looking at the clock and hoping that the class would end soon.

When it did finally end, he didn’t even bother to get up as he dug around in his bag for his water bottle. Popping the cap off, he downed some of the water greedily and wished dearly to get back home so he could lie on his bed with nothing but the fan out and his wings blissfully free of their bindings. They’d begun to ache as the day dragged on, starting out as a slow sort of pain and growing into something much more awful. _Have they gotten bigger? I might need a new brace…_

He placed the bottle of water back in his bag as he headed out the door, worried that his friend had left without him. Seeing Tsukishima’s tall form waiting for him by his locker, he rushed over with a happy smile. Yamaguchi said, “Sorry, Tsukki! I didn’t mean to make you wait again…”

“You’re still all red,” Tsukishima noted without bothering to acknowledge the apology. He started walking and Yamaguchi followed after him, biting his lip when he was hit by the sudden feeling that everyone was staring at him and judging his every move. “Are you heat sick again?”

“A little,” Yamaguchi admitted, only relaxing once they were finally off school grounds and away from the masses. “It was stupid to wear a sweater today, I guess.”

Tsukishima made a noise of acknowledgement, seemingly considering something. Yamaguchi glanced over at him and saw that he was checking his pocket for spare change. Tsukishima looked away from Yamaguchi’s curious gaze as he said, “Let’s get ice cream before we go home.”

Yamaguchi nodded his head in agreement, voicing it shortly after he realized Tsukishima hadn’t seen it. He was normally prepared to fill their silences with lots of rambling dialogue, but he was distracted by the feeling of his overly sensitive wings twitching around his torso, aching to get free. Yamaguchi knew they’d be really awful to deal with when he got home, all that muscle he’d built up over the summer beginning to atrophy with disuse. It was going to hurt a lot to straighten them all back out as well, especially considering the state they’d been in that morning…

Tsukishima was already approaching the ice cream vendor by the time Yamaguchi had snapped out of his thoughts, handing over enough change for two ice cream cones. He handed the vanilla one over to Yamaguchi, starting out on his strawberry cone without bothering to say a word.

“Thanks, Tsukki!” Yamaguchi said with a bright grin, starting on his ice cream and trying to keep it from melting all over the pavement. They were walking at a slower pace than before and everything around them was bathed in reddish hues, the sun sinking low in the sky as day slowly approached the night. Yamaguchi might’ve paused to appreciate it, but he was busy protecting his ice cream from slowly dripping down onto his uniform pants.

“You always bought ice cream for us during break,” was Tsukishima’s short, disinterested reply. He took a huge bite out of his ice cream before starting on the cone. Yamaguchi noticed that he seemed to be wincing a little, probably from brain freeze. “It’s nothing to get excited about.”

Yamaguchi was aware that his friend felt very negatively about hotheaded people so he just settled on saying nothing at all. He relished in the cool gust of air that swept by them abruptly, a swift relief quickly followed by a wave of dry heat. They’d just reached their neighborhood and Yamaguchi’s was one of the first ones on the block. 

He spotted it immediately, waving goodbye to his friend before he entered. It was unsurprising to find that all the lights were still off, just like he’d left them before heading off to school. His father wasn’t home yet by the looks of it.

Yamaguchi toed off his shoes, setting them down before he made his way upstairs. He turned on the fan as soon as he entered his room, pulling off his sweater with a sigh of relief. His skin was sticky with sweat, but the cool air was like a wave of relief. 

After Yamaguchi had removed his brace, he carefully unfurled his wings and waited until they’d settled into their usual position, hovering just above the backs of his knees.

Flicking on his lamp, Yamaguchi turned around to expose more of the feathers at his back and frowned at the sight. They itched like mad, a sign that he was to be having an awful molt in the near future, but the main problem was that his entire back, feathered bits and all, ached terribly from the stiffness. His wing spasmed, smacking painfully against the bedpost; Yamaguchi flinched at the sharp jolt of pain. The feathers were all bunched up together as well, twisted around each other and bent at strange angles. Yamaguchi couldn’t help but wonder how long it’d been since he’d tried to straighten them all back out, to clean out everything that had become trapped between his feathers.

With an unhappy sigh, he made way for the shower. It was about time that he got around to straightening and cleaning them all out, even if the experience wasn’t going to be all that pleasant. After all, that was the one thing he could manage. The muscle spasms and aches from forcing his wings into stillness, however, were entirely out of his control.

 

When he’d finally finished straightening his feathers out, everything absolutely ached. Yamaguchi collapsed onto his bed, careful to land on his front to keep his feathers out of the way. He was suddenly grateful for their lack of width, even with their extensive height, because they kept jerking free from his control and smacking into everything within range. 

Yamaguchi could hear the sound of his father’s footsteps as he walked around downstairs, but couldn’t find the motivation to get up and greet him.

Fishing around for his cellphone, Yamaguchi unwound his earbuds from the tangled mass they’d formed and started one of his more calming playlists as he checked for any important notifications. A quick look at the time showed him that about two hours had passed since school ended. There didn’t seem to be any new texts or calls, though, so he dropped the phone back into his pocket. 

_Guess I’ll just try and get some sleep before dinner,_ he thought, grabbing a pillow and pulling it to his chest. 

 

When he woke up again, it was to a missed text and the smell of something delicious cooking.

Yamaguchi wandered down to the kitchen, rubbing at his eyes and nearly stumbling into the doorframe on his way in. He turned around one of the chairs and sat down, arms resting over the back of the chair as he watched his father make their meal. His wings jerked abruptly, smacking harshly into the wall, and he winced.

“Your wings acting up again, kid?” his father asked, turning around and unintentionally revealing the sight of the food to Yamaguchi. The older man looked somewhat concerned, trying to get a good look at the wings as if he could figure it out just by staring at them.

Yamaguchi shrugged instead of answering the question. Instead, he asked, “Why’re you making hanbāgu, dad?”

“Well, I was just at the store and saw that the meat was on sale,” his father replied with a shrug of his own. His focus returned to their food shortly after he spoke. Yamaguchi could hear him humming a familiar jingle, that really catchy one from the tofu commercial on TV, and so he turned his eyes to his phone while he waited for him to finish.

From Tsukki <3: Yamaguchi are you alright?

 _I really need to get rid of that heart by his name,_ was Yamaguchi’s first thought. _I wonder what I’m saved as on his phone… Hopefully not “that clingy guy” or something._

To Tsukki<3: im fine :00 y?

From Tsukki<3: You usually send me a ton of selfies by now. And you were looking really sick at school.

To Tsukki<3: i dont send u tht many selfies :/

To Tsukki<3: tsukkiiiii shud i b worried i didnt get my phone blown up w dinosaur facts??? :((((

From Tsukki<3: You sent me 10 last weekend alone.

From Tsukki<3: …Fine. http://facts.randomhistory.com/dinosaur-facts.html

To Tsukki<3: omg did u have tht open just in case id ask abt it

To Tsukki<3: u totally did i cant believe this

From Tsukki<3: Yamaguchi

To Tsukki<3: sorry tsukki

From Tsukki<3: I actually had it bookmarked.

To Tsukki<3: ive gotta eat dinner now but ill read ur weird favorited dino facts l8r :P

Yamaguchi placed his phone back into his pocket before rising to help his father set up the table. He tried not to dwell on any of his worries as they ate dinner in a companionable silence marred only by the sound of wings smacking into the wall.

It even worked for a little while.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> if anyone's wondering, tsukishima's name for yamaguchi on his phone is totally "yamacutie" because i saw this post: http://tsukkiyamaforthesoul.tumblr.com/post/131655350359/tsukishima-having-yamaguchi-saved-as-yamacutie and it seems like the sort of thing that dork would do.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> it's been a while since i updated. sorry about that, everyone. really busy lately so i don't have as much time to write as i'd like. i did very minimal editing on this chapter, but i might go back and check it over later.
> 
> as always, thanks for the kudos, views, and comments! it makes me unbelievably happy to hear what you guys think of my writing.

Though he was waiting for Tsukishima to finish talking to the captain of their new team, Yamaguchi quickly became bored with watching people pass him by, gaze dipping downwards as he listened to the squeaking of sneakers on the gymnasium floor.

Yamaguchi looked up again, though, and wondered what it would be like if the reality before him was different. He thought of a world where he was normal, just as average as every other winged child. He imagined them all with wings as real as his own, visualizing the speckled white wings of a snowy owl extending out from Tsukishima’s back almost wistfully.

Yamaguchi thought of the way his wings would wrap around him in a comforting self-embrace when he was scared and lonely and too caught up in his own head. He’d sometimes pretend the wings had belonged to another, perhaps his mother or an actual angel that had come to save the monster from his misery.

 _He would probably look graceful with them, too,_ Yamaguchi thought miserably as he looked at Tsukishima’s back, thinking of how brilliantly those wings would have looked spread out behind him while he looked at Daichi, expression likely as disinterested as ever. _With mine, I just look like a freak._

It was disheartening to wish that the people around him were winged and strange as well, Yamaguchi knew, for no one else had ever been discovered to have a “defect” such as his. Even as a child, however, he’d traced the iridescent black wings of the common magpie and imagined how they would look protruding rather elegantly from his mother’s back.

Yamaguchi looked at the other first years, a hot-headed duo consisting of an energetic, friendly middle blocker named Hinata and a talented, merciless setter named Kageyama. He imagined Hinata would have the flashy and colorful wings of a purple glossy starling. Kageyama, he suspected, would be suited by the intricately variegated wings of a blue jay.

Hinata stormed over in his direction, expression a picture-perfect show of how incensed a person could become before they would explode. The sudden arrival halted Yamaguchi’s idle speculation on the most fitting wing type for Sugawara. Hinata huffed out a loud breath, mumbling several unkind statements about the irate setter standing nearby, and then jumped suddenly as if shocked.

“Yamaguchi!” Hinata shouted, much too loudly; his voice echoed within the gymnasium. Yamaguchi winced, ears ringing from the fact that the other boy was practically screaming in his ear. “You’re still here?!”

A couple heads turned their way. Yamaguchi smiled nervously, praying that their eyes weren’t settling on him. Unsure of how to face Hinata’s invasion of his personal space, with the redhead’s hands now resting on his shoulders, he quietly mumbled, “Yeah, I am.”

“Is that jerk Tsukishima making you wait for him?” Hinata asked him, scowling at the back of Tsukishima’s head. He stuck his tongue out and Tsukishima, having noticed it out of the corner of his eye, turned around to scowl at him. Hinata laughed nervously at that and sat down right next to Yamaguchi, their shoulders and thighs pressed together from the lack of space left between them.

“No, I said I’d wait,” Yamaguchi replied, feeling uncomfortably warm as he tried to discreetly put some distance between them. His face felt warm and he lowered his head down so that no one else would notice. Hesitantly, he asked, “Did… Kageyama do something?”

“Yeah, of course he did!” Hinata exclaimed, clenched fists resting on his lap. He tried to take a calming breath and said, a little more quietly, “I’m trying my hardest to work with him, but he can just be so… so… mean sometimes! And then when I yell at him for it, he gets mad and starts yelling back and it’s all his fault, but he acts like I’m the one in the wrong.”

“I don’t know Kageyama well, but… maybe he doesn’t intend to be mean to you,” Yamaguchi said, glancing over in Kageyama’s direction. He was talking to Sugawara about something, scary expression almost shielding the eagerness in his eyes. “Have you ever… tried not to yell? And talked to him about it?”

Hinata paused, thoughtfully tilting his head before he said, “No… I get too mad and can’t think clearly…”

“Maybe talk to him about it when you aren’t mad,” Yamaguchi mumbled, suddenly realizing that he was giving advice that Hinata hadn’t even asked for. He hunched in on himself, one of his hands twisting into the fabric of his shirt, and hoped that Tsukishima would be done talking to Daichi soon so they could head home, away from all the social situations that he never seemed to be able to handle without his breath hitching in his throat.

Kageyama walked over, settling that problem quite easily, and stood awkwardly in front of the two of them for a moment. His glare dimmed when Yamaguchi shrank under it and he stiffly nodded in his direction before turning to Hinata, muttering a word that could’ve been either “snotty” or “sorry” with how quietly he had spoken.

Hinata mumbled something equally incomprehensible, but it sounded vaguely apologetic and Kageyama seemed to deem it acceptable since he walked off a moment later, almost as if he was expecting Hinata to follow.

Hinata seemed to have understood because he stood up to go after him, a grin stretching over his face. He tossed a jaunty wave back at Yamaguchi before he rushed over to Kageyama’s side.

Yamaguchi watched them go, a little amused by their strangely silent dialogue. _Almost like a language only those two can understand. No wonder we can’t ever follow that freak quick of theirs._

 

Tsukishima was mostly silent on their walk back.

Yamaguchi trailed behind him, the ache from his wings becoming a familiar annoyance that he didn’t wish to bear. Molts were always the worst, making his wings more sensitive to touch. The brush of fabric against his feathers had become almost unbearable, a sign of how close his molt was to arriving.

“Yamaguchi,” Tsukishima said suddenly, back stiff as he continued to walk ahead of him. There was a strange sound to his voice as he asked, “Did the bullying start back up again? You keep moving like something hurts and I saw you wince when that idiot Tanaka slapped you on the back earlier.”

“No, it’s not that, Tsukki,” Yamaguchi said, mentally patting himself on the back when his voice didn’t crack out of pure nervousness. “I, um, have a back brace and I think maybe I just need to get a different one soon.”

 _Pathetic,_ Yamaguchi thought to himself. _That was a weak excuse and you know it. What will he think if it doesn’t stop hurting, huh? What’ll you do then? Lie more?_

“You never told me about that,” Tsukishima said, sounding surprised. He slowed down so that they were walking side by side again, the tension having already left his form. 

Yamaguchi shrugged his shoulders. He could see that they were quickly approaching his house, though it was a little hard to tell while walking under the dimly-lit streets. The sky was dark, the day having come and gone without either of them having noticed.

Slipping into the doorway of his house with an easy smile, he said, “See you tomorrow, Tsukki!”

Yamaguchi didn’t bother to shout out a greeting, well aware that his father probably wouldn’t be home until late at night. He headed upstairs, pulling off his sweater and removing his brace with very little effort. He was surprised to see that some feathers were already falling out, watching as they fell to the ground at his feet.

“Might have to skip school tomorrow,” he mumbled, carefully running his fingers through his wings and feeling for which ones were loose. Yamaguchi had always been the type of child to pick at scabs and wiggle a loose tooth, but he had always been careful with his wings after he’d felt the pain of one being torn out.

It had hurt terribly.

His first friend had been seven years old, ambitious and careless. She’d grabbed one of his coverts when he’d mentioned his nearing molt and ripped it out without even a word of warning. If he remembered correctly, his parents only let her see his wings after Yamaguchi pleaded with them for weeks. They’d only given in because, well, who would believe a child? Then they’d found her with the feather in her hand and Yamaguchi frantically running his hands along his trembling feathers in an attempt to ascertain that she hadn’t permanently done any damage, slotting the pieces together easily.

They didn’t let that mistake happen again. Suddenly he had to bind all the time unless the windows were all covered and there wasn’t even the slightest chance of an unwanted visitor. He’d had so many rules drilled into his head about what he could and couldn’t do with his wings that he probably could have written a book about it.

Yamaguchi had never brought up showing the wings to Tsukishima. He was scared of what he would do if they said yes.

 _I’d do nothing,_ Yamaguchi thought, watching as a couple feathers were knocked loose by his careful inspection. _I’m such a coward._

Yamaguchi picked up all of his fallen feathers and dumped them on the bed. He collapsed onto it next, leaning over the bed to pull a shoebox out from underneath. He winced when his wings spasmed and smacked against the wall with a loud thud.

Opening the shoebox revealed the nicest of his feathers that had come out, including the covert that was roughly pulled from his left wing. He couldn’t keep all of them, there were too many with him shedding at least twice a year, but he liked to think that this was one of the better things to have come out of his winged existence.

Yamaguchi looked over his feathers, putting aside one of the nicer ones to offer his mother and plucking a very long feather out of the group to place in the box. He’d give his father whatever was left. The man had developed a strange habit of collecting bird feathers, even before his son had shown an especially noticeable avian feature. He placed the lid back on the box, shoving it under his bed and tossing the rest of his feathers in the clothes hamper near his bed. It still had a couple feathers from his previous molt, but there would still be room for more feathers when they started falling out during the night. _Hopefully I don’t crush any in my sleep._

Yamaguchi decided that making instant ramen for dinner was too much effort and tiredly pulled out his phone, texting his friend so that Tsukishima wouldn’t have any reason to worry. He wasn’t really sure when they had started texting each other every night, but it was a nice change nonetheless.

To Tsukki<3: night tsukki!!

Yamaguchi dropped the phone onto the blankets, too tired to move from the comfortable position he was in. He closed his eyes and drifted off to sleep.

 

When Yamaguchi woke up again, he kicked off his covers and groaned into his pillow. A quick glance at his phone showed it to be 4:56AM. 

He felt sweaty and uncomfortable, the warmth of earlier now becoming an unbearable heat crawling up his neck and limbs. Yamaguchi shakily stood up from his bed, rushing over to the adjacent bathroom to vomit. He leaned back against the toilet bowl, wings shaking like a leaf as he gagged over the putrid smell and vomited once more.

Yamaguchi pulled himself back up, misery painting his features as he tried to look himself over in the mirror. He looked flushed with illness, but Yamaguchi had been sick before and this felt stranger than that, almost like…

 _Dehydration,_ Yamaguchi realized, flushing the toilet and feeling suddenly grateful that he apparently had good aim in one area, even if it was a fairly useless skill.

He stumbled down the stairs, wings weakly flapping behind him. They spasmed again, smacking hard against the railing, and he winced at the sudden burst of pain. 

Yamaguchi grabbed a glass off the counter, filling it with cold water. He drained the glass of water slowly, sitting down on the floor since the dining table suddenly looked too far away. Leaning his head back against the cabinet, he closed his eyes.

 _Just for a second,_ Yamaguchi thought right before he fell back asleep.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i'm going to be updating very rarely from now on as a warning.
> 
> that aside, thanks once again for all the kudos and comments! :) i'm so happy to know that people like this. not sure how i feel about this chapter precisely... if anyone seems ooc, feel free to tell me why you think so!

Yamaguchi woke up abruptly. Sweat was practically gluing his t-shirt to his skin and he groaned discontentedly with his cheek pressed against the tile of the floor. _I must’ve tipped over at some point in my sleep,_ he realized, and a quick inspection of one of his wings revealed that it hadn’t fared well from being slept on.

He sighed and coughed afterwards in short order, throat uncomfortably dry. Yamaguchi stood, grabbing the glass and refilling it with water to take another long drink. He still felt extremely tired, like he could sleep right here, but a quick look at the clock showed it was 6:53AM by now and he should probably get ready for school if he planned on going.

Yamaguchi considered going for a moment, but then he felt a spell of lightheadedness and had to use the counter to hold himself up. “Staying home it is, then,” he rasped aloud, coughing again and wondering why he still felt that way. He drank another glass of water and headed up to his room, nearly smashing his head into the nearby wall and most definitely banging his right wing against the doorframe.

He winced, collapsing onto his bed and fingering the wing carefully for any injury. _Seems okay,_ he thought.

Sleep wouldn’t come easily now, though he was extremely tired. Yamaguchi groaned, wrapping himself around the pillow. He removed one of his hands and rubbed at his temples, hating the gnawing ache that was making place in his head.

Eventually, he fell into a state somewhere between sleep and waking. He’d drift off, but snap back to awareness soon after with a dull throbbing at the back of his head and every part of his body feeling too hot for him to sleep.

He rolled over, reaching out to turn on the fan and tried to go back to sleep.

 

Yamaguchi woke up to the incessant buzzing of his phone after finally having managed to fall asleep and felt tears of exasperation well up in his eyes. He pushed the frustration aside, pulling himself up into a sitting position and wiping at his eyes with his forearm.

A quick glance at the phone showed a series of texts, each one more frantic than the next.

From Tsukki<3: Yamaguchi, where are you?

From Tsukki<3: Fine I’m leaving without you

From Tsukki<3: I didn’t see you in class or at practice. Are you sick?

From Tsukki<3: Why arent you answering your phone

From Tsukki<3: If u dont answer in 5 mins im coming over

Yamaguchi scrambled to answer.

To Tsukki<3: sorry tsukki!! i was feeling v sick & had 2 stay home :((

From Tsukki<3: Idiot I was worried. Why didn’t you tell me that earlier?

Yamaguchi smiled, warmed by the statement despite the obvious irritation that he’d caused his friend. _He’s stuck with a pathetic person like me, but he still worries when I’m not around… Maybe I’m not so bad after all._

He sighed. _Too optimistic,_ he thought as he explained the situation.

From Tsukki<3: Im coming over

Yamaguchi’s eyes widened, looking at his wings. There was no way he could get them underneath something. Not only would it be suspicious, but he just didn’t have the energy.

To Tsukki<3: no dont go thru that much effort tsukki im fine!!

From Tsukki<3: Too late. I’ll be over in 15 mins.

He looked around his room frantically, trying to think of something to do. He stood up quickly, causing another spell of lightheadedness. Yamaguchi had to sit back down on the bed until his head cleared up once again.

Yamaguchi pulled off the sweaty shirt and grabbed his brace, forcing his wings into it none too gently. He winced as one of his wings shot a sharp bolt of pain through him, but quickly checked himself over in the mirror and tightened it even further to hide the usual bulk of them.

Rooting through his drawers, he found a t-shirt with a thicker fabric and pulled it over his head, inspecting himself in the mirror. He didn’t look too bad with the tightened brace, but his chest hurt and breathing was already hard enough without it feeling like he couldn’t get enough of it out of his lungs.

“Just gonna have to suck it up, Yamaguchi,” Yamaguchi mumbled to himself as he headed into the bathroom, brushing his teeth just before he heard the doorbell ring. He headed downstairs, feeling even dizzier than he had before and having to lean against the stairs before he could make it to the door.

He opened it and saw Tsukishima standing outside, wringing his hands even as he sneered down at him. 

“You call this fine, Yamaguchi?” Tsukishima asked him, gently shoving him aside to enter the house. Yamaguchi just frowned back at him, having been hoping that he could fool him into thinking he was fine and getting his friend to leave him alone.

“I don’t look it, but I’m okay,” Yamaguchi replied, hating the way his voice broke halfway through his sentence but still pushing on with it in a stubborn show of idiocy on par with that of the freak duo themselves. He found himself being lead gently into the kitchen with a hand at the elbow and was then pushed down to sit on a chair.

Tsukishima stared at the glass, which had been relocated to the floor at some point, and picked it up before filling it with water. “Okay enough to have fallen asleep right here on the floor?” he asked, handing the glass to him.

Yamaguchi drank from it, but nodded quickly when he saw Tsukishima’s impatient expression. “I’m fine now, though. There’s nothing to worry about. Just a stomach bug and I slept it off.”

“Yamaguchi,” Tsukishima said, the frown on his face deepening. He leaned in close and pressed the back of his hand to the forehead, checking his temperature. Yamaguchi thought his heart might have stopped at the closeness and then mentally scolded himself for a thought like that. It was just downright embarrassing. “You’re pale as a sheet, probably feverish, and nearly hyperventilating. I can tell you’re lying.”

Yamaguchi hadn’t realized it, but doing that with the brace tightened as it was made him even dizzier. He was glad he was sitting down because the world felt like it was spinning around him. He had to close his eyes against it, taking deep calming breaths before finally opening them again. “Sorry, Tsukki,” he said, feeling guilty for how much trouble Tsukishima had already went through for him.

Tsukishima sighed loudly, but Yamaguchi felt a hand rubbing circles on his back comfortingly and supposed his friend wasn’t as angry as he was acting. “You apologize too much. It’s not your fault you got this sick.”

 _Yes, it is,_ he thought, feeling even worse. _If I didn’t have these wings, the heat wouldn’t have got to me. I should have been more careful and now I’m going to probably end up molting with you right here._

Yamaguchi shrugged, trying to shake off the negative train of thoughts. “At least I can apologize,” he said, amusedly recalling the apologies Kageyama and Hinata had tossed out to each other before.

“They’re stubborn idiots,” Tsukishima said, catching onto who Yamaguchi was talking about easily. He rolled his eyes and added, “Especially that moronic King. I can’t stand hotblooded people like him.”

“Hinata’s not that bad. He’s kind of friendly,” Yamaguchi mused aloud, thinking back on his interactions with him. _He’s overexcitable, like the dog I had as a little kid,_ he thought, amused by the comparison.

“He won’t leave me alone,” Tsukishima groused, sounding so miserable that Yamaguchi ended up snickering into his palm. He was on the receiving end of a half-hearted glare at that, but a smile and a mumbled “Sorry, Tsukki” smoothed that out quickly enough. “You laugh, but you don’t have him following you around and shouting uncreative insults at your back. Being around him is probably taking away brain cells.”

“I don’t have much of a problem with Hinata, but Kageyama’s scary,” Yamaguchi said, shuddering at the idea of being under his angry glare. “I feel like he might snap and murder me if I get something wrong.”

“Sugawara creeps me out,” Tsukishima said, frowning down at the table. “He’s all smiles and then he’s flying out of nowhere to smack Tanaka upside the head for taking off his shirt and whipping it around again during practice.”

Yamaguchi snickered again, remembering the last time he’d seen that happen. “It was pretty funny, though. Did you see his face?”

They kept talking for a while, expressing their opinions on their new teammates. Tsukishima didn’t have a lot of nice things to say, but Yamaguchi could read between the lines to see that he was warming up to them slowly. Well, except for Kageyama and Hinata who seemed to take the utmost pleasure in getting on his nerves at the moment. Yamaguchi tried to be nice when speaking about the others, but he had a few moments where he slipped and said something that’d have Tsukishima smirking in approval of their shared meanness.

A quick glance at the clock told Yamaguchi that it was 8:03PM already and he knew his dad would be back really soon. He explained this to Tsukishima and finally managed to get his friend to head back home so he’d have some time to himself.

As soon as Tsukishima was out the door, he headed back upstairs. Pulling off both the shirt and the brace, he collapsed on the bed shirtless and laid there while staring blankly at the ceiling. It was kind of nice to just relax and breathe, trying to calm down from the events of his day. Yamaguchi could never manage blanking out his thoughts entirely so a worrying thought or two drifted by, but he largely ignored them.

He turned over so that the fan was blowing onto his skin and sighed happily, stretching his wings out comfortably. A couple of his feathers drifted down to the ground and he reached down to pick one up, holding it between his fingertips. Yamaguchi slowly rotated it around, examining the way that the black dots seemed to dance across the brown before placing it back down again. _It’s actually kind of beautiful…_

He ran his fingers through the feathers on both of his wings, checking for any loose feathers and accumulating the ones that had fallen out into a pile. He tossed those into the hamper and then leaned back against the headrest of his bed.

Yamaguchi stood and went into the bathroom, examining the smattering of freckles that stood out on his face. He sighed. _This face still isn’t, though…_ He covered them with his hand and looked at himself again, wondering if he should try and borrow some of his mother’s concealer to smooth out the blemishes on his skin.

“Too much work,” he said aloud, shaking his head. He brushed his teeth and went to bed, drifting off to sleep easily enough to the comforting sound of the fan and his wings shifting against each other.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sadly no tsukki this chapter :/ it's a bit short and filler-ish, especially since i haven't updated in so long, so sorry about that.

The next day, Yamaguchi felt much better and made it through his classes without much problem. He’d dug out one of his thinner shirts earlier that day, deciding not to have another go at heat sickness. It made him feel oddly vulnerable, like his wings would be more obvious just because the brace wasn’t hidden beneath a thick sweater.

Yamaguchi chewed on the end of his pen as he looked out the window, knowing that he’d get yelled at if he was caught slacking off. It was a beautiful day out, the sun shining brightly with nary a cloud in sight. For a moment, he wondered what it would be like to feel the warmth spreading through his feathers and if they would shine under the light. _Thoughts like that are what cause problems,_ he told himself firmly and turned his attention back on the teacher, only to hear her bark out a clear dismissal to them all.

He waited patiently for the others to file out of the room as he packed up all his things. Once the doorway was freed of his chattering peers, he exited the classroom and made his way outside. There was definitely no practice today and Yamaguchi was a little happy for it. He was full of nervous energy to spend, but his wings were aching and itching. It took a lot of restraint to keep from freeing them of their restraints right on the spot.

Just as he had that thought, a tiny blur of red hair and excited yelling ran straight at him. He took a step backwards on instinct, but it didn’t appear to be necessary as Hinata stopped right in front of him, so close that their noses would have been touching if Yamaguchi wasn’t so tall.

“Yamaguchi, are you okay?!” Hinata asked, looking up at him with obvious concern. He scrunched his nose up in displeasure, not even waiting for Yamaguchi to give him a reply before barreling onward to explain his actions. “That nasty Tsukishima was so grouchy when you weren’t here! Did someone beat you up? Is that why you couldn’t come to school? If it was Tsukishima, I’ll jump really high and kick him in the face, just for you!” He paused, laughing a bit sheepishly and ruffling his hair. “Okay, not just for you. I’d love to wipe that smug grin off his face.”

Yamaguchi hesitated for a moment, trying to gather his thoughts and summon up a response to that. “Erm…” He looked around, unsurprised to see people staring, and ducked his head as he mumbled, “I was just… sick. Sorry to have worried you.”

Hinata frowned, shaking his head. “You don’t have to be sorry for getting sick!” He leaned closer, almost conspiratorially, and whispered, “I’ve heard Kageyama is a real diva when he gets sick.” He pulled back, laughing. “At least you seem like a more reasonable guy. Level-headed and not a total king about everything.”

Yamaguchi was so surprised he laughed faintly at his words and Hinata’s smile widened even further, almost impossibly so. He distantly wondered, _How does a smile that wide not hurt his face?_ “So… are you heading home with Kageyama, then?” he asked as he started walking again, not very surprised to find Hinata doggedly keeping pace alongside him.

“Nope! He’s arguing with Tsukishima over something stupid so I just told them we’re leaving without them,” Hinata said as he craned his head to look up at him. “You’re too tall,” he complained. “Everyone in this team is.”

“Hm… I guess it would be a little strange,” Yamaguchi replied absentmindedly, frowning as he chanced another glance at the sky. _It’s so pretty…_ His wings twitched from within their bindings and he sighed, relieved to know he’d be home soon enough. _I’m so tired of binding. I’m still hot and I’m not even wearing a sweater._

“At least I can jump really, really high,” Hinata said, grinning as he walked along with a skip in his step. He was keeping pace with Yamaguchi’s long strides fairly easily. “Did you see the look on Tsukishima’s face the first time I did? It was hilarious! He was all BWAH and I was like GWAH.”

 _I don’t understand him at all,_ Yamaguchi thought, listening as Hinata continued to ramble on and on. Hinata filled the silence with minor details, things about his day and what he’d had to deal with the day before because of Tsukishima. Some of the stories he was hearing made him wince. _Sounds just like Tsukki to lash out when he’s worried… Did I freak him out that much?_

“…and my house is over that way,” Hinata eventually said, pointing to the left. There were a couple streets of houses in that direction, but Yamaguchi had never really gone that way so he had no idea how much farther Hinata would be walking to get home. “I guess we’ll have to split up here.” He smiled, waving at Yamaguchi as he started walking off. “See you tomorrow!”

Yamaguchi nodded at him and politely said his goodbyes before walking the rest of the way home, humming an American pop song he’d heard on the radio a few nights ago to fill up the silence. He felt strange, not being able to walk home with Tsukishima’s familiar presence at his side. _I wonder what it would be like if he just… left me behind forever. I’m just a winged freak. He deserves a better best friend, someone more normal and cool. Someone who doesn’t have to keep secrets._ He felt guilty for thinking so badly of himself, but he just couldn't help it lately.

He unlocked the door, seeing all the lights were off. He took off his shoes, placing them to the side as he closed the door behind him and looked around. _Looks like I have the house to myself, as usual._ He smiled slightly, practically running up the stairs to his room.

Once inside, Yamaguchi yanked off the shirt and then carefully removed the binder. He stretched out his wings cautiously, wincing at the way they jerked around for a few moments before settling hunched against his back. “Ugh…” Feathers dropped to the floor, some of them bent up awkwardly. A quick glance at his back showed his wings to be in a similar state and he sighed, reaching back to try to fix them as well as he could. _I wish I could just let them out… I keep having to straighten out my feathers._

He flopped down on the bed, having failed to fix much, and sighed as his back ached as if in protest of the winged appendages on his back. _Why was I born like this? It’s like a curse or something,_ he thought, eyes damp. He wiped at them with his arm, feeling like a total loser for getting so worked up. He felt drained and tired as he laid there, unable to convince himself to get back up and do anything. _I just… need to rest. That’s all. No need to get upset. Just sleep all the bad feelings off._

“Maybe things will be better come morning,” Yamaguchi mumbled, closing his eyes and shifting to get comfortable. His wings shaded him from the thin light filtering through the window and he eventually drifted off to sleep, content to ignore his problems for just a little longer.


	6. Chapter 6

Yamaguchi woke up feeling uncomfortably warm all over, cooling sweat sticking his shirt to his skin. His wings were itching like crazy and he couldn’t resist reaching back to dig his nails into them, scratching away as best as he could. One spot near the center of his spine itched the most, but it was just out of reach. He felt the feathers coming loose before they began to fall down around him, eyes narrowly opening to inspect the mess of speckled brown everywhere. _Molt…_

He quickly glanced at his phone, seeing that the time was already far past school starting.

From Tsukki<3: Yamaguchi, are you sick again?

From Tsukki<3: I’m skipping and coming to check on you if you don’t reply soon.

From Tsukki<3: Omw

Yamaguchi’s eyes widened, a mixture of shock and fear hitting him abruptly. _Crap… crap, crap, crap._ He stood quickly, wings flailing around wildly and smashing straight into the nightstand with a loud bang. He winced and reached back to run his fingers over them soothingly, not surprised when more wings fell into his hands. “I have to… get rid of all this first.” He took a deep breath, trying to stay calm even as his heart beat loudly in his chest.

He started walking around his room, scooping up the piles of feathers and tossing them into the hamper. It took a few trips, especially as more and more feathers came loose and fell to the ground with his movement, but he managed to hide them all from sight.

Yamaguchi glanced back at his wings in the mirror, flapping them rather lethargically. _Binding will be painful with my wings so sore… and I’m really tired… Maybe I can just get away with throwing a sweater over them._ He tucked his wings close to his body, wrapping them around his torso as tightly as he could without restricting his ability to breathe. He threw a shirt on over, shivering at the weird sensation of soft fabric pressed up against them. 

He walked downstairs, his wings shifting around him. The warmth was almost unbearable, especially with the sunlight leaking through the blinds and shining down on him as he entered the kitchen. He filled a glass with water, hand trembling as he brought it up to his mouth and gulped down large mouthfuls. He’d never felt so thirsty in his life.

A knock at the door startled him, wings starting to unfurl, and he consciously forced them to twine back around his torso as he set the glass down on the counter. _Tsukki’s here… What do I say? I could tell him I’m sick again, but then he might get worried and make me go see a doctor… What do I do then? Do I just say I already went to the doctor? He can always tell when I’m making up lies. I’ll be so obvious._

Yamaguchi opened the door and forced a smile on his face, looking up slightly to see Tsukishima glaring at him. _He looks mad…_ Biting his lip, he said, “Um… hi, Tsukki… Sorry for worrying you. I just got sick again. I guess I just wasn’t that careful, huh?” He laughed nervously, wings coiling more tightly around himself as Tsukishima’s expression remained unchanged.

“What’s wrong with you?” Tsukishima asked bluntly, leaning his hip against the door-frame and clearly unwilling to leave until he was told the truth. He pressed his lips together at Yamaguchi’s anxious silence, narrowing his eyes. “Yamaguchi, you’re—“ He frowned in obvious discomfort, much more quietly saying, “You’re important to me. If there’s something wrong… you can tell me.”

Yamaguchi looked at him, feeling conflicted. _He’s worried. He wouldn’t hurt me. He wouldn’t hate me. He… he wouldn’t. That has to be true. Tsukki’s not a bad guy. He’d never laugh at me and make fun of me. It’s true. It is._ But there was still that nagging voice in the back of his head that yelled at him to be careful, to hide, to keep his freakish wings to himself and away from the eyes of those he cared for so deeply. “…It’s private, Tsukki. I’m sorry.”

Tsukishima frowned, shifting his weight off the door-frame and stepping closer into Yamaguchi’s personal space. He was silent for a moment, contemplative, and being under the weight of his friend’s harsh, judgmental stare made Yamaguchi feel as if his heart had risen into his throat. He thought he might choke on it, on the almost confrontational atmosphere that was growing as the moments of silence only lengthened, on the urge to just tell him that he’s been best friends with a winged failure of a human being. Then, Tsukishima opened his mouth and said, “Please, Yamaguchi.”

Yamaguchi looked at Tsukishima’s face and felt something inside him mentally grind to a halt. It was almost as if the world had narrowed down to just the two of them, as if they suddenly existed in a little bubble all to themselves. He felt oddly sure then, almost as if he would be free of the hatred and the fear and the cruel interest in the inhumane, and so he nodded. Spurred on by that short burst of confidence, he said, “…Come in. I’ll tell you.”

They walked further inside, the door shutting quietly behind them as the finality of the situation finally became clear.

Yamaguchi looked at Tsukishima once they had reached his room. It was the place where he had felt most comfortable with the idea of revealing his true self, wings and all. He said, “I-I know this is weird, but… let me show you and then you can ask questions, okay?” He didn’t wait for a response, pulling off his sweater and dropping it to the ground as his wings slowly unfurled. They fluttered and shook, his nerves getting the best of him as his gaze dropped to his feet. The answering silence from Tsukishima seemed to be answer enough. “I understand if you… don’t want to be friends anymore because of—“

Tsukishima suddenly let out a laugh, so short it was closer to an exhale and Yamaguchi had nearly missed it. He looked up, seeing that the expression on his face wasn’t one of hatred. It was one of excitement and confusion and still a hint of worry, all thrown together.

“…You’re seriously worried about that? You’re always so—“ Tsukishima cut himself off, shaking his head. He said, “I wouldn’t stop being your friend just because you have wings, Yamaguchi. When did they start growing? Does it hurt? Is that why you keep missing school?”

Yamaguchi felt almost floored, but managed to pull himself together enough to quickly mumble, “When I was five. A little. Yes, it’s because of the molt.”

“So… you’re sort of like a bird in that sense?” Tsukishima asked, stepping closer and hesitating for a moment before walking behind him. He raked his fingers through the wings fully displayed to him and Yamaguchi couldn’t stop the pleased sigh that came out when he scratched at the spot that had itched so horribly all that time.

“I mean… I guess I am…” Yamaguchi turned slightly to look at Tsukishima, immediately missing the feeling of his fingers carefully running through his feathers. A shiver ran down his spine as he looked at him, seeing the way Tsukishima’s eyes had lit up with something he couldn’t quite name. “My wings are a bit like a sparrow’s, even if they’re pretty weird-looking.”

“They’re cute,” Tsukishima said as he held one of the feathers towards the window’s light, examining it. He paused, his own words registering, and looked away awkwardly as he flushed a light pink. He exhaled through his teeth, a low noise that was still startling in the silence that had fell upon them, and then looked back at Yamaguchi. “You’re cute. I’ve always thought that.”

“Tsukki…” Yamaguchi looked at him, wings twitching as they moved closer to his back and folded in on themselves. _What’s cute about being a bird-like freak of a human? A monster? It’s unnatural. I’m unnatural. Stop lying._ He bit his lip, looking down and trying to force the thoughts away. “You’re not joking, are you? You seriously feel that way?”

“I do,” Tsukishima said, stepping closer again. He reached out, a hand lightly shifting his feathers out of the way to grab onto him and pull him closer. “Sorry for this. I know it’s not the time, but I just—” He leaned in and closed his eyes, looking clearly out of his element as he kissed Yamaguchi. It was off the mark and a bit sloppy, but Yamaguchi tilted his head to slot their lips together more properly. His eyes slid closed and he wrapped his arms around Tsukishima’s waist, feeling a slight jolt anytime Tsukishima’s arm brushed up against his wings.

Tsukishima pulled back and said, “I really like you, Yamaguchi. I have for a while.” He looked like he was about to start rambling nervously and Yamaguchi stared, never having seen Tsukishima acting like this before. He seemed so far from his usually quiet and annoyed persona that he wore, obviously out of his element and not enjoying it at all. “I’m sorry. I know it’s sudden and I shouldn’t have just kissed you like that. It was stupid. You might not even return my feelings and I—“ He cut himself off, frowning. “That wasn’t the point. I was wondering… will you go out with me?”

Yamaguchi kept staring and he watched as Tsukishima seemed to wilt a little before his usual bored expression took over his face. Before he could even think it through, he blurted out, “Y-yes!” A bit belatedly, he added, “Sorry, Tsukki. You surprised me.”

Tsukishima sighed. “…Shut up, Yamaguchi.” He looked at the newly released feathers strewn about on the floor and then back to Yamaguchi. “You look tired. Go take a nap and I’ll take care of all this.”

Yamaguchi smiled tentatively at him and walked over to give him a quick kiss. “…Thanks, Tsukki.” He was relieved to see Tsukishima smiling back, not a hint of disgust in his eyes. _At least he seems to think I’m not a monster. Maybe he’s the type of person to be fooled by fairy tales._ He laid down on the bed with a sigh, eyes drifting closed. _Doesn’t he know that angels don’t exist? There’s only… me. I guess I don’t mind if he believes in it, though. He doesn’t think I’m useless and a crybaby and a moron. He… likes me. Isn’t that enough?_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i debated over how to end this story for a while and i eventually decided an imperfect ending was the best fit. yamaguchi's self-esteem issues aren't magically fixed, but he's getting into a relationship where he'll be able to work through them and feel safe and loved while doing so. :) this was fun to write and i hope you all enjoyed reading it.


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